Visit

So Charlie's mom and brother got here on Thursday and are leaving tomorrow morning. They have really enjoyed their stay here. His mom really likes the city and how it looks. Unfortunately it hasn't snowed. We have had a lot of rain but no snow. They keep hoping it would snow. Well we still have today. I can't believe how warm it has been. I have been coming to visit my mom for 9 years and winter has not been this warm and rainy. I still remember when Charlie came 2 yrs ago and he was going to get stuck here because his plane wasn't going to leave because of the snow storm. Luckily he managed to get on a plane on standby the next day. It was not a good time. He was all worried because he had to get back to work and he had a big project going on. Well atleast they don't have to deal with the single digit weather we were dealing with last week.

They also didn't think the drive was very long so they might do it a little bit more often in order to visit Charlie. I'm glad they managed to come because I know Charlie would have been very depressed without them and that would not have been good. I don't like to see him sad.

They also enjoyed spending their Christmas with my family. I'm glad they liked it.

Winter

So according to the calendar Winter is officially here. You sure could have fooled me because I thought Winter got here a long time ago. See it has been very cold since Thanksgiving weekend over here. I thought Winter had started about a month ago. Well atleast it hasn't snowed for a while. I am just waiting for the next major storm to hit. In the meantime I am enjoying my vacations. I don't want them to end. And there is 1 more day till Charlie's mom and broher come over.

Winter Break

So yesterday was our last day before winter break. I am glad to have the next 2 weeks off. It's kind of odd because I would always fly to Idaho for break but not this year because I am in Idaho. How strange it is. How I do miss my friends. When I was over there I missed my family and now I miss my friends. Isn't weird how things work. I'm just feeling a bit lonely and depressed. It's sort of like when I went to UCI. I was a bit depressed at first but then I got accustomed to things. I know that's how it will be here. It will just take some time. I have to get used to having my family around and get some new friends. Yet again getting new friends will be very hard. Well see how things go.

Ode to Fadedgirl

You know Charlie and I were talking this weekend and it made me realize how much I have not appreciated fadedgirl. She has been with me through the good, the bad, and many changes. I think that the most constant person in my life has been here. We have had our arguments and differences but we still always end up going back to each other. I can confide in her with many things and I know she will try to help me even if she can't. Of all of the people in our group she has been the most open and emotional. I wish I could be like her. It is a wonder we get along. I am not very emotional to the extent of not appologizing to her for things that have gone wrong. We stop talking and talk again and she doesn't ask any questions she just moves on. I know she wishes it wasn't that way because she likes to discuss things and straighten them out. She posted about it on one of her posts and it made me realize that she was right. I have a big problem expressing my feelings and she knows this and accepts it. Yet it is no excuse for the way that I have treated her. Expecially for me because I hate excuses. So I apologize to her for not straightening things out when we have stopped talking, for not apologizing to her, and for putting her behind anybody else. She has been a true friend, she definitely deserved a better friend. I wonder why she ever stuck with me.

You know she was told by someone that if one of us was a male then we would make a perfect couple because we are considerate about other people. I think she really does complement me. Although we are different in some things we have even more things in common.

I am glad and lucky to have her as my friend and confidant.

Perseption

Why do I always get judged as being boring and judgemental. I have always been an introvert, and concervative. I have trusted very few people in my life and now trust even less. There are many reasons why I have lost faith in people; sufice to say that I have. I am not very talkative and I don't expose myself to people. It takes a lot for me to do that. It's not like I don't talk to people, it is that I don't feel people need to know everything about my life. I figure will they really care, will they help me in any way? And if they do know me will they be there for me. Well that has not always been the case.

For example I have been told that I am not fun because I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs. I don't get invited to hang out with people because I will judge those people that do do those things. I will look down upon them and not accept them. To me that is very hurtful because this is not coming from strangers this comes from people that I care a lot about. Then I wonder am I not worthy of being around these people, am I that unimportant. Are those habits more important than me. From previous experience I would have to say yes. I have been around enough people that have had these habits to know that that is what has mattered to them the most. At the same time when I have been around people that drink, smoke, or do drugs they tell me "why don't you do these. Try them, how do you know how it feels if you don't try it." They keep insisting that I do them. So I think why can they impose their beliefs on me. Why is it ok for them to tell me to do something I don't want to do. Why do I have to just sit there and take it. Because if I say I don't want to or if I were to tell them not to do it then they would be upset at me and then I would get told that I am boring, uncarring, and that I am preaching to them. When is somebody going to care about how I feel. If people want to do these things it is their business but that does not mean that I don't have a right to dislike these habits. I don't think badly about them. Several of my friends drink and I don't think they are bad people. I have known them to be responsible and not drive when they are drinking. I can't say the same about everybody. If somebody I care about does these things then I do care and I will say something.

It is not that I dislike the people that have these habits it is that I am more cautious of them. You never know when something bad will happen. When that happens is when my perseption of them changes. I learn when to stay away. I don't like being around people that get drunk and cause problems. I have been around these kind of people to learn to not like it and the problems and feelings that go with it. I don't like these things, I have been hurt enough by people who have done these things, I have no need for it, and I don't think I need to do them in order to know what happens. I have been around it most of my life, and it has done more harm than good. I don't think I need to do these things in order to get accepted by people, but then again this is where I am wrong. Apparently I do because it is from the people that I care about that judge me. Which is why it is so hurtful. I am the uncool person and those people are the ones that are fun and interesting. Hm, odd how that works.

It has never been easy to be the way I am but I have survived. I have chosen not to drink, smoke, or do drugs because of my family and the problems we have had because of these things. I also think that I would not have made it as far as I have if I would have done these things. Most of what I have accomplished I have done it on my own. If I were to fall apart would somebody be there to lift me up. I would like to think that there would be somebody willing to help me but I don't know for sure. I am not perfect. I would like to say forget everybody and everything and I will do whatever I want without worrying about anything but I can't, or better said I won't. I have many things to worry about. There is very little room for error in my life. Maybe I create it for myself but I really do not know. There is so much that I want out of life and I need to get it for myself.

Rent, and other things

So yesterday we went to see Rent. It was good. I really liked it. Charlie even liked it. He didn't want to go with me but he ended up going with me. He had said that it had gotten bad reviews but what do the critics know anyways. I like musicals and plays. I would like to see this play live. I still can't believe that Cats is going to LA an now I am in Idaho.

Also to the right is a picture of Toby with his new winter sweater. I knitted this for him. Maura wanted to see his sweater so I had to post a picture of him. He will be the envy of the nighborhood with his own little sweater. It was not easy knitting the little legs but I managed.

I can't wait till winter break. We only have 8 more days till then. I won't have to deal with 5 degree weather in the morning and warming up my car 20 min before and having to uncover the car. I still have to turn it on and make sure that the doors don't lock but atleast I get to do it in the comfort of my own home.

Also Charlie's mom and brother are suppose to come on the 23rd. They are sure in for a drastic change. I hope they enjoy it.

I have been trying to post more often. I will probably not post everyday because I am really not that dedicated but I will try to do it more often.

Monday

So every day I am learning something new about winter with snow. So I didn't use my mom's car on Sunday and today in the morning I couldn't open any of the doors. I had to literally go through the back hutch door in order to turn on the car. I was then able to open one of the back doors. I went back in to finish getting ready and figured the car would warm up and the doors would open but they did not. I had to get in and out of the car through the back door the whole day until about 4 in the afternoon. My sister said that even if I don't use the car I should turn it on because the doors can freeze together. What kind of nonsense is this. Oh well you learn something new every day.

Well today wasn't too bad because we had a minimum day because the seniors were presenting their projects. They had to create something or present something that they were interested in. We did something like this in Century high. The difference is that the students over there had to present projects and work that they had done all of their 4 years of high school and here they had to come up with something like learning to Tango, or build a bow, and get a mentor. They only have 1 trimester to make their proposal and learn the new skill. I think it is a pretty good idea because it makes them learn something new if they make the right choice. Unfortunately they have to get everything done in 3 months.

The 3 students that made their presentations today did a good job. One girl got really nervous the other 2 got nervous but not as much. One student's project was to learn to Tango and he did a Tango presentation at the end of his presentation. The other female student made a presentation on Cosmetology, and the other one made a presentation on the women of Juarez. These students also made their presentations in Spanish. The two girls tried switching back and forth in Spanish and English but they did well. It was pretty interesting seeing how they learn a new skill.

Snow day

So we officially had a snow day on Friday. I was like, "A snow day!" What does that mean. Well when we went for our beginning of the school year meetings for new teachers the school principals mentioned that if there was too much snow then they would start school 2 hours later. They said that they would not cancel school they would just start it later. The principal metioned that they haven't had to cancel school except for once about 3 years ago. I didn't think much about it because in California the weather doesn't usually affect anything in school. I do remember that they canceled school for 1 day when I was in Elementary because there was suppose to be this major rain storm that never happened. It ended up being nice and sunny.

The sudents were hoping we would have a snow day. I didn't think it was going to happen because there wasn't much snow and I had seen even more snow 2 years ago. Besides since the beginning of November it hadn't snowed again until after Thanksgiving day. All the snow had melted away and people were complaining because it hadn't snowed. Then it snowed again on Friday the week of Thanksgiving break. It kept snowing since then. It would come on and off. We still didn't get much snow but I guess we did get enough. On Thursday it kept snowing non stop all day. So when I woke up on Friday my sister got a call and she came and told me that they called from the school to tell me that we were having a snow day and school wouldn't start till 2 hrs later. She said she was hearing in the news that the buses weren't running. Then I got a call from the assistant principal telling me that school would start at 10:25. I wish I would have known earlier that way I could have slept some more but there is no way of knowing something like this.

So we got to go in later but boy were we having issues in the morning. We were having trouble moving Charlie's car because he doesn't have snow tires. We figured he didn't need them because his car had been running fine. It is ok but it does get stuck in a lot of snow.

We went out at 9 to take the snow off of the cars and warm them up. Then he tried to move his car but it got stuck. Apparently we had to shovel the driveway but we figured it would be ok because it didn't seem like there was much snow but we were wrong. So we were there struggling and he was none too happy. I was trying to push the car but that was not helping at all. It slowly moved. He would move the tires from left to right and shoveled snow around the tires. I told him to just take me to work and he should drive my mom's car and I would have my sister pick me up because it was getting late. It was 9:35 and he hadn't gotten ready and I wanted to be at work and we still had to drop off my niece at my other sister's house.

The things we have to go through just to get to work. At that point I was not liking the snow at all. It was not fun. The day before I had to be in the cold snow taking all of the snow off of my car and this happens in the morning. At that point I just wanted the California sun. But it is something new that we have to get accustomed to.

At you would expect there weren't too many students in school. There were many abscences but it was to be expected. My first 2 periods were missing several students but my last 2 periods weren't to bad. I thought it was going to be worse. Well we survived our first snow day.